I’d have to say that if self-pity was an accredited program at some ivy league institution for higher learning, I would probably already have a Ph.D by now; Quite possibly, I would of had a full scholarship.
You see, I think there must be some sort of undiscovered disorder called “Po Little Me” syndrome. Perhaps, the great pharmaceutical companies of the world could come up with a stellar marketing program, to usher in a funny sounding drug, to cure such an ailment; Or perhaps a homeopathic remedy would work; I’ve heard that baking soda can take care of almost any problem. In my case, it’s my daily time with God that seems to be the only “pill” that works.
You see, when I just seem to be “going along,” “going along,” and tending to my business, sometimes I get a funny nudge. Not fudge…….which sounds really good right now, but a nudge. Well, it usually starts with a thought; A “Po Little Me,” thought to be exact, usually regarding some relationship that has been bothering me. It seems I’m a stickler for anything and everything that has to do with equal measures.
I believe in: give and take, in mutual respect and transactual relationships that are not disproportionate or unbalanced. You know what I mean, “You call me, I call you,” “I invite you out, You invite me out,” “You make the meal, I’ll do the clean-up,” kind of thing. In relationships, there should be a balance, right? I mean it just doesn’t seem right to be the one that always has to make the first move, the first call, etc.
Well, at least that’s what I thought. Suddenly, I found myself indulging in the candy drawer of self-pity. Oh, was it delicious: “Po Little Me,” chocolate delights, “Po Little Me,” caramel chewy’s, “Po Little Me,” sour gummy’s. For a moment, I was in self-pity heaven. I mean, “if your friend truly cared for you, wouldn’t they want to reach out from time to time? ” “Why do I have to do all the work?” “I don’t need them anyway. If they don’t want to be my friend, I mean, really, I’m just going to stop calling.”
So I huffed and puffed and felt perfectly fine about my decision. Thinking, that certainly God understands, that that is just improper behavior from a true friend. One must do what one should, to maintain relationships that are mutually beneficial and satisfying. And, if in the course of time, one party falls short in their transactional duties, (failing to call, show concern, invite me over or text), then it seems fitting to end the matter with civility. I mean, really, do I have to do all the work in this relationship?
Well, as it turns out, God thought differently. Perhaps, this is an area of testing for me. I awoke in the middle of the night and could not go back to sleep. I had been thinking a lot about this person the past few days and didn’t even realize it. I got up and decided to pray. The Lord Jesus took me to some verses in the Bible. “Be of the same mind toward one another: do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own estimation,” Romans 11:16. Suddenly, this person came to mind, the one I’ve been talking about. Yes, as it turns out, I was being haughty and my attitude was all wrong.
The thing I love about the Grace of God, is that not only does He call us to change but He gives us the power to do it. I thank God for his Grace. The next day I called my friend. Lo and behold, we are still Grandes Amigos! We are already planning our next get together.